Talk about a steamy night. Oh baby. We met in the middle. He brought me back to his place. Things were a bit rough, but...
Ha. Wildly inapprorpriate. Sorry. Ok, this scandalous number has not gone down in the books quite yet (and perhaps for the sake of my parent's sanity let's hope this fling doesn't progress any further than it already has).
But the problem you see is that the trains and I have a love - hate relationship. I love riding on 'em, they hate me for traveling illegally. (Rules are just friendly suggestions, right?)
My love affair is not just limited in scope to UK trains either; I don't discriminate! The passion followed me to Italy's public transportation system and it may or may not have been an issue for me in Holland (a statement which at this point in time I cannot confirm or deny).
In one instance I was traveling home to Bristol and I had hoped on an earlier train than what my ticket was actually valid for. I assured myself that it was really no biggie; me and the trains - we got each other's back...
So on this particular evening I found mysel a cozy aisle spot, started jamming away to my ipod, then pretended to be asleep so that the ticket checker would just keep on passing by so as not to distrupt the sleeping angel (AKA Nicolette).
WRONG
"I need your ticket ma'am!" (Jeeze. No decency whatsoever. Someone clearly did not have their evening cuppa tea.) It wouldn't have been an issue if she had politely awoken me from my "slumber" and then kept on walking. But these ticket checkers, they are trained to spot people like me a mile away.
"You are on the wrong train" she informed me, a statement which I was already obviously aware of. And considering that we were on a moving train I am not sure what she expected me to actually do. (Maybe if I offer to buy her a pint - or even two - she will just keep on waltzing up the aisle none the wiser...)
WRONG AGAIN
"But, But..." was all I could mumble out before she presented me with a receipt and impatiently placed her hand on her hip waiting for me to pay up for a valid ticket.
I hesitated and pondered ever so slightly: What would happen if I just say No? (My parents always told me to Just Say No to strangers and this lady demanding my money was in fact a bona fide stranger to me.) Would she grab me by the collar on my jacket and hoist me off the moving train? (because surely then I could sue - and I'm certain that if I survived the fall I would win the case. I may of course be in a neck brace for a while (a minor inconvenience really) but what a story to tell). I wondered also if they had police onboard these trains? (A jail cell in the back car where they lock up delinquent passengers like me? Nah - can't be.)
However, I aired on the side of caution, disobeyed my parents, and gave this strange woman my money (as well as the evil eye).
When I told my British friend Alex the next day of my unfortunate (and expensive!) train saga he informed me that the UK is very proud of their rail police. And chances are if I had said No to the gal I wouldn't have been rolling away in a neck brace, but rather cruising away in handcuffs to the nearest jail once I got off the train.
So kids, don't try this at home. It's really a shot in the dark to plead ignorance (has worked maybe fifty percent of the time for me). But if you can learn anything from this tale it is either obey train rules (boooooring) or keep a healthy stash of cider in your bag and with a flirtatious wink give the pints out to any and all members of train personnel you come across.
Should work like a charm.
Ha. Wildly inapprorpriate. Sorry. Ok, this scandalous number has not gone down in the books quite yet (and perhaps for the sake of my parent's sanity let's hope this fling doesn't progress any further than it already has).
But the problem you see is that the trains and I have a love - hate relationship. I love riding on 'em, they hate me for traveling illegally. (Rules are just friendly suggestions, right?)
My love affair is not just limited in scope to UK trains either; I don't discriminate! The passion followed me to Italy's public transportation system and it may or may not have been an issue for me in Holland (a statement which at this point in time I cannot confirm or deny).
In one instance I was traveling home to Bristol and I had hoped on an earlier train than what my ticket was actually valid for. I assured myself that it was really no biggie; me and the trains - we got each other's back...
So on this particular evening I found mysel a cozy aisle spot, started jamming away to my ipod, then pretended to be asleep so that the ticket checker would just keep on passing by so as not to distrupt the sleeping angel (AKA Nicolette).
WRONG
"I need your ticket ma'am!" (Jeeze. No decency whatsoever. Someone clearly did not have their evening cuppa tea.) It wouldn't have been an issue if she had politely awoken me from my "slumber" and then kept on walking. But these ticket checkers, they are trained to spot people like me a mile away.
"You are on the wrong train" she informed me, a statement which I was already obviously aware of. And considering that we were on a moving train I am not sure what she expected me to actually do. (Maybe if I offer to buy her a pint - or even two - she will just keep on waltzing up the aisle none the wiser...)
WRONG AGAIN
"But, But..." was all I could mumble out before she presented me with a receipt and impatiently placed her hand on her hip waiting for me to pay up for a valid ticket.
I hesitated and pondered ever so slightly: What would happen if I just say No? (My parents always told me to Just Say No to strangers and this lady demanding my money was in fact a bona fide stranger to me.) Would she grab me by the collar on my jacket and hoist me off the moving train? (because surely then I could sue - and I'm certain that if I survived the fall I would win the case. I may of course be in a neck brace for a while (a minor inconvenience really) but what a story to tell). I wondered also if they had police onboard these trains? (A jail cell in the back car where they lock up delinquent passengers like me? Nah - can't be.)
However, I aired on the side of caution, disobeyed my parents, and gave this strange woman my money (as well as the evil eye).
When I told my British friend Alex the next day of my unfortunate (and expensive!) train saga he informed me that the UK is very proud of their rail police. And chances are if I had said No to the gal I wouldn't have been rolling away in a neck brace, but rather cruising away in handcuffs to the nearest jail once I got off the train.
So kids, don't try this at home. It's really a shot in the dark to plead ignorance (has worked maybe fifty percent of the time for me). But if you can learn anything from this tale it is either obey train rules (boooooring) or keep a healthy stash of cider in your bag and with a flirtatious wink give the pints out to any and all members of train personnel you come across.
Should work like a charm.
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